did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
