Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
