i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
