Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
