sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
