D3 body, D1 cock
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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