Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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