Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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