If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
