I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
