Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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