my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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