he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
