Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
