im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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