He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
