I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
is it fun? or sober?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
