Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
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Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
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This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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