my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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