You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
