i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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