ya dads aren't the best wingmen
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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