no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
