Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
