I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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