If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
