I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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