And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
