All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
