i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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