Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Mom said you looked used
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
