Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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