Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
