I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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