She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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