My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
