So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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