Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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