i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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