he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
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