We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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