respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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