oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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