I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
