her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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