why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
