I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
