11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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