I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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