but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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