Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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