My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
