just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
