I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
