I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
