The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
