can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
