Jerry, you need to find god
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
