So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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