Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
