You made me cry and you don't even care
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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