Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
