just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
