today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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