and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
