Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
