If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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