i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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