I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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