wanna go halves on a baby?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
