my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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